Living Out Loud

In the last few years, I have become deeply introspective and find myself asking, “What’s next in life, and how will I have time to make changes and fulfill things I’ve always dreamed about?” Mid-life brings many changes to every woman. Sometimes it is just experiencing the empty nest when all the kids are gone, and sometimes it’s a divorce or even the death of a spouse. With some of my friends, it’s boredom with their career and their life goals. For others, it has been a job layoff and the possibility of a career change at age 50.

For women, 50 is representative of so many things, but most of all, we ask the question, “What now?” I am 50 and find myself widowed and faced with starting over, being back in the single world. This is a somewhat scary prospect, as I haven’t been on a date in more years than I care to remember. Initially, it meant thinking I need to be thinner, younger, and prettier. Well, that’s only a fleeting thought because at 50, I am also more confident in the woman I have become. I am okay with the fact I am no longer a size 8 and have a few more wrinkles.

I am looking for answers to the second part of life and am asking lots of questions: “Will I have the courage to pursue the work of my dreams? Will I get that really cool car I’ve always wanted, or will I continue to let it go for more conservative transportation? Will I get to Italy and drink wine in Tuscany? Will I take the road trip and get a kick out of traveling on Route 66? Will I ever go to cooking school or write a book?”